The Purpose of Redemption
by birdbrain987
Summary: Edmund finds he still has a lot to learn about what it means to be a king. Can he overcome his fears and be the king he was destined to be?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: After reading the Chronicles of Narnia in 2015, I had two ideas for stories. The first one came very easily, and is published on FanFiction – it is called Finding Aslan, and I would thoroughly recommend it; though I am biased – I wrote it. The second one is finally finished, nearly two years later. I am in my second year of BSSM in Redding, California, and I suppose it did not get finished because I myself was still learning many of things that Edmund learns in this story

This story was inspired by my own journey of learning what manhood really looks like. I learnt a lot from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and by watching men around me love their lives, love their wives and live courageously. I hope this story inspires everyone, but particularly men, to know their own courage and their purpose.

Enjoy:

Edmund was feeling uncomfortably tense, as he stared into the moss-covered mouth of the dark cave that had swallowed up his brother only a minute before. Whenever they went on these expeditions he was always a little afraid that someone was going to suggest that he went in too, but even though that hadn't happened, he couldn't calm himself. Straining his ears to listen for any sign of what might be happening inside, he couldn't help humorously wondering for the hundredth time what on earth he would tell mother if Peter died in Narnia.

He jolted as he was awakened from his reverie by a mouth nuzzling his ear. Turning, he found Philip, the horse he rode, had noticed his tension. Philip wasn't _his_ horse, as horses are free in Narnia, but Philip was the horse who allowed him to ride when going into battle.

"You saw them going in." Philip said gently, "Peter was confident. They'll be fine. They always are."

Edmund said nothing, but only smiled. Philip had become a close friend in the last year and was always ready with a kind word. It was certainly true that Peter had unsheathed his sword magnificently and twirled it arrogantly before entering the cave. He had been perfectly confident and had inspired confidence in all of them. Just as a King should. Edmund knew that Peter would be fine.

Sure enough, Peter emerged swinging the hag's grotesque head by its stringy black hair, looking aggravatingly smug. He grinned at Edmund, wiped his sword, sheathed it and said cheerily, "Mission accomplished. If we ride fast, we might even get back to Cair Paravel in time for dinner."

Edmund rode at the tail of the small column, thinking. He was afraid. Not so much for Peter, since every time anyone saw Peter raise his sword Rhindon into the air, they were inspired by their leader. There was something about his bearing that left no room for doubt that Peter was a great king. Edmund was no exception to this influence, and except getting a bit nervous (as family do) when Peter put himself in danger, he was not generally afraid for Peter's well-being.

He was afraid of his own inadequacy. He was afraid that he didn't have courage. He was afraid that he wouldn't have been able to go into that cave fearlessly as Peter did. And if he had and there had been an ogre in there, he would have run away terrified and everyone would have seen him as the coward he was. He knew that one day everyone would realise that they had a spineless child for a king, and he would get shunned.

They could see the gates of Cair Paravel, their shadows were trailing long in front of them and there were faint tinges of orange in the sky when Philip finally broke the silence.

"Does something trouble you, sire?" he asked.

"I just feel a bit anxious about Peter," lied Edmund, "always going into danger like that."

"Bree-hee-hee," whinnied Philip, which was his equivalent of a laugh, "Do not trouble yourself about him. He is fast becoming the finest swordsman in the land. Is that all that troubles you?"

Edmund felt bad for not telling Philip the truth, and probably would have told him everything then and there, except they caught sight of the small figure of Lucy holding up her skirts and running towards them as fast as she could. Thinking something was wrong they all sped up, but when they reached her, her expression was one of pure joy.

"Come quickly," she cried, "Aslan's here!"

And so, after Lucy had clambered up behind Peter, the whole party merrily hastened down to Cair Paravel.


	2. Chapter 2

There was always a great joyful bustle when Aslan the Great Lion arrived, as every creature in Cair Paravel wanted to speak to him, the kings and queens being no exception. Peter always bowed and laid his sword at Aslan's feet paying homage to the King above all Kings of Narnia. Susan always muttered that he never gave them warning, so the silver wasn't polished and she didn't have her best dress on, but really she was as glad to see him as any of them and the smile on her face as she gave him the most graceful of curtsies showed this. Lucy always shamelessly ran and hugged him, burying her face into his mane, forgetting all the etiquette that her tutor had so painstakingly tried to teach her. But Aslan always smiled when she did this, making Susan wonder if this was the correct way to greet Aslan after all.

Edmund always gave the customary bow that courtesy demanded, but would wait until he could find Aslan alone. The love that Edmund had for Aslan was deep in a way that none of the others could understand, because he had been forgiven so much.

It was hours past sundown (and really time for him to be going to bed) before Edmund finally found Aslan alone in one of the gardens. On this occasion Edmund knelt and wept into his mane. He always tried to stop doing this once he had started, but found he never could until the tears had run their course. Aslan seemed to have infinite patience and waited quietly, sometimes rubbing his mane comfortingly against Edmund's face. Eventually the tears dried up and Edmund sat back, gazing into the beautiful face that was shining gold and silver in the moonlight. His fragrance mixed wonderfully with the scent of the roses to make a soothing smell unlike anything else Edmund had ever smelt. It would have been soporific if Aslan had not been there. But he was wide awake with expectancy. For Aslan was the oldest and wisest of all the creatures in Narnia, and whenever they met Edmund always learned something that changed him forever.

"What did I call you when I crowned you?" asked Aslan after a time.

"King Edmund the Just," Edmund was a bit surprised by this question and didn't mean to add, "but I don't know why."

Aslan didn't say anything. Edmund waited, a little ashamed of this confession; but Aslan waited too. Eventually Edmund knew that he was expected to explain what he had said.

"I mean that I don't think I am very just. I'm not very wise and never have been very fair."

Edmund was expecting Aslan to scold him and to tell him that he was just and fair, but that he didn't realise it yet. But Aslan didn't. Instead he was silent once again. Edmund found that his fears of being a poor king were rising in him once again, and he desperately wanted a kind word.

"Why did you call me King Edmund the Just?"

"Tell me Edmund," Aslan said, "Was your sister Susan gentle when you were in the Professor's house?"

"No," said Edmund positively. But he hadn't meant to be mean, so he added, "It wasn't her fault, she had a difficult job keeping our family together."

"Then why did I call her Queen Susan the Gentle?"

Edmund was stumped by this at first. He thought of his sister and how in England she had tried to be mature in the absence of their parents. She always did what she thought their mother would have done, even if it meant being harsh to him and Lucy. He didn't blame her as he knew that she had been doing her best.

Then he thought of her after she had become queen. At first she had been the same, telling the others what to do and trying to organise everything in the castle and getting on the housekeeper's nerves. But as Peter had come into his own, they had all acknowledged that Peter had the maturity that would be necessary to lead the country, she had found that she did not have to feel responsible for everyone and everything and had relaxed more than he had seen her relax since before the war in their own world. Leaning on Peter's inspirational leadership, she had flourished and become more … gentle.

"You called her Queen Susan the Gentle," Edmund replied at last, "because that is what she would become."

"Yes."

"Aslan I can't see myself becoming just."

Aslan growled making Edmund look up in surprise and fear. Aslan was very far from gentle with those who were his enemies and it was always good to remember that he was not a tame lion.

In a quiet and terrible voice, he replied, "I know each creature in Narnia intimately. I see every time they get up each morning, I know when they sleep every night, I hear every word they speak. I raised the stars up into the heavens and one day I will call them back down. I was there at the dawn of time when the Deep Magic was written. On that first day I sang Narnia into being. You know this, Son of Adam. Why do you doubt what I have said?"

Until that moment Edmund had been very doubtful, but when he remembered who Aslan really was, he found a small spark of courage growing in him and he was able to say truthfully:

"To doubt what you have said is to doubt who you are, isn't it? I don't doubt you. Not anymore."

Edmund and Aslan sat side by side in the garden for a long time in the simple pleasure of being near each other. Aslan was one of the few creatures with whom he could be completely silent and completely comfortable at the same time. Finally Edmund knew that he couldn't stay here any longer or he would be exhausted the next day, so he reluctantly bade Aslan farewell and returned to the castle.


	3. Chapter 3

Aslan had only come for a brief visit and later the next day they found that he had gone as mysteriously as he had arrived. As always, the castle was sad at his departure, but no one was sad for long because they each remembered the words that he had spoken to them and knew that he would come back again. As always, he had somehow spoken individually to everyone in the castle and there were the usual speculations as to how he did it. Did he travel really fast? Could he be in two places at once? Or was that something not even he could achieve?

Shortly after the conversation with Aslan, Edmund mentioned to his siblings that he wanted to learn about justice, to try to be the best king that he could be. Lucy suggested that he should find a tutor to teach him about Narnian laws and the suchlike. This seemed like such a good idea that the four of them immediately started making inquiries. It was obvious that the centaurs were the wisest of all the Narnians, and they soon discovered that Oakwit was the wisest of them all. In fact Oakwit had seemed so wise and learned that Edmund had been afraid to ask him at all, but Peter had asked anyway and Oakwit had agreed.

Today was the day, and Edmund was nervous as the clip-clop of hooves in the corridor approached the door. Edmund rose and bowed as the aged centaur entered the room. Oakwit smiled, acknowledging the gesture, but quickly bowed in return and motioned Edmund to sit.

The first thing Edmund noticed were Oakwit's eyes that were grey and clouded with age, but piercing and impenetrable. Next he saw the great flowing beard of quicksilver, then the barrel chest and the sizeable chestnut horse body that followed him. Edmund had met many centaurs and Oakwit was small as centaurs go, but never before had he met a centaur who so transfixed the gaze and carried such an aura of respect.

"I thank you for honouring me by bowing," said Oakwit putting a couple of parchments that he was holding onto the desk, "But it is my place to bow to you."

"I want to thank you for coming. I don't want this to be a burden to you. I am very grateful that you have agreed to give up your time for me. I really do need your help."

"I know," said Oakwit, not arrogantly, nor humbly, but simply stating it, "But you should not bow to me and you should not be surprised at me helping you."

Edmund was at a loss for words for a second or two, but said, "Well I am very grateful for it."

From there, the centaur talked to Edmund about his siblings, his interests and hobbies, even his dreams and ambitions. Edmund found himself lost in easy conversation, and didn't notice that their hour together had flown past. He apologised at the end for letting the time pass so fruitlessly, but Oakwit only replied that he considered it to have been a most productive time, leaving Edmund wondering what on earth they had achieved. The next week Edmund arrived completely relaxed, and with no idea what was going to happen.

"Perhaps one of the first things," said Oakwit, as Edmund sat down, "Is for you to learn your own worth. That will affect the way you live your life and the way you treat others more than anything else. How much are you worth?"

"As the four monarchs go," said Edmund feeling uncomfortable with the direction this lesson was going. He had been expecting to learn about laws and the suchlike not to talk about himself, "I guess I am the expendable one. The others are much more valuable to the country than me. Peter is the inspiring one, Susan is the organised one and Lucy is the one everybody loves. I don't really fit any of those roles and some people still think of me as a traitor."

"False humility," Oakwit stated, "And you haven't answered the question."

Edmund looked up in surprise at the centaur's bluntness.

"Having a low opinion of yourself is not humility," explained the centaur, "Humility is found in how much you serve the needs and desires of others. Comparing yourself to others will not answer the question of your own value. Now Edmund, how much are you worth?"

Edmund didn't answer at first, realising that the centaur was taking this very seriously. But try as he might he couldn't see a way to answer the question except by measuring himself against other people.

"The truth is," he said eventually, "I don't know how to get an answer to that."

"It is a question no one can answer on their own," said the centaur, "everybody gets their answer to this question from others. I would suggest going to Aslan."

Suddenly a myriad of memories came back to Edmund. Memories of first hearing that name and despising it, of sitting in the White Witch's dungeon and realising that he had chosen the wrong side, of the first time he met Aslan who spoke things to him so wonderful that he had never shared them with anyone, of when he was woken in the night by a dryad to hear that Aslan had taken the price of a traitor upon himself. Edmund almost gasped as the realisation hit him.

"Aslan thought I was worth dying for."


	4. Chapter 4

A dark red maple leaf floated down next to Lucy, caressing the bench she sat on as it fell. Lucy stared at it for a few minutes, seeing the deep red and marvelling at the intricate network of veins. It was incredible how so much beauty could be found in something so small and delicate. Looking up at the tree that it had come from, she wondered whether it was painful for the tree to shed its leaves like this. The maple was fairly sleepy at this time of year and wasn't a great conversation partner, so Lucy had been sitting in silence watching the gentle breeze in the tops of the trees and soaking in the warm afternoon sun. She never got bored of sitting alone. Not when she was in Narnia.

It would not be proper to describe a queen as slouching, but she was certainly sitting in a very unqueenlike manner as she waited for her brother to finish in the courthouse. In her defence, she had been waiting for several hours and the sitting posture appropriate for royalty is very difficult to sustain. And there was nobody to see except the maple tree.

Eventually the courthouse finished for the day, and the occupants began to leave. Lucy recovered to a regal sitting position with practiced speed and ease and sat watching for her brother, smiling at everybody who came past her bench. Edmund came out last looking rather haggard with a young faun following him, talking earnestly and agitatedly.

"I apologise your majesty," the faun was saying, "I am so ashamed of my performance today. I promise I will do better next time…"

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Edmund interrupted firmly and the faun calmed down, "You are still learning and I have confidence that you will become a great lawyer."

The faun looked like he was about to burst into tears. He got out a large embroidered hankie in preparation for sobs. Edmund pretended not to notice and continued.

"Don't be ashamed of bad days; Aslan never shames anyone into maturity. Indeed for my siblings and me, he put crowns on our heads and watched us grow into them. Never once did he shame us for what we hadn't learnt yet. I meant what I said - you are making progress and you will be a great lawyer."

The faun sniffled his thanks and went on his way as Edmund sat next to Lucy. They were silent for a minute as Edmund visibly relaxed. Lucy looked at her brother in much the same way that she had looked at the maple leaf. She had a gift for seeing beyond the surface with things, particularly so with people and she had been watching her brother change.

It had been two years since he had started lessons with Oakwit, and although he was still the same brother she had always known, he had changed almost beyond recognition. His quiet wisdom was now something to be relied upon and his steadiness and confidence in the face of any problem lent strength to all of his siblings. But more than this, there was a quality about him that Lucy could not define – it combined fearlessness with trustworthiness, compassion with wisdom and justice with kindness. It was…. exactly the same as Oakwit! She hadn't realised just how like Oakwit Edmund had become. Lucy suddenly started smiling. Yet he was still himself.

"You seem happy about something," Edmund remarked.

"I was thinking about your lessons with Oakwit," she replied, "What have you learned the last years with him?"

"Many things - he is a wise creature and has much to teach," Edmund paused, reflecting, "Most of all he taught me to believe in myself, because Aslan believes in me. He taught me that Aslan when Aslan saved me it was because he saw something worth saving."

"But wasn't that obvious?" asked Lucy uncomprehendingly.

"Not to me," replied Edmund, "I was still so caught up in what I used to be that I didn't realise that I have the strength to change. I never realised that if I am fearful of ogres, then I don't always have to be fearful, with Aslan's help I can conquer that. My redemption didn't just buy me an escape from the Witch, it gave me the opportunity to use my life to create something beautiful; both in my own life and in Narnia as a whole."

Lucy sat and pondered for a long time, and Edmund let her think without interruption. She saw at once the truth of Edmund's words and also saw how he had been working towards bettering himself with Oakwit, with weapons training, with reading; the list went on. Then she thought about her life. She wasn't spending as much time doing all these things as Edmund. Where many people would have shamed themselves in this moment, Lucy didn't. She came to the realisation that if it was true for Edmund then it was true for her. Ideas of how Narnia could be even more beautiful came into her mind, how she could help this to be accomplished.

"I can use my life to create something beautiful too, can't I?" Lucy's face was flushed with excitement.

"Yes, you can," smiled Edmund as Lucy jumped up and started waltzing back to the castle in excitement, not even waiting for him. As Edmund walked after her, a touch of sadness entered him. He remembered asking Oakwit jokingly whether he would ever graduate from his classes. Oakwit had replied in all seriousness that one day Edmund would begin to teach other people the life lessons that Oakwit was teaching him, not so much with his words, but by how he lived. That would be the time when Oakwit was no longer needed.

A month later a report of an ogre in the Lantern Waste came to Cair Paravel. Edmund made a special request to his brother to go into the cave and despatch the ogre himself. The next day Edmund was briefing a cavalcade of soldiers at the front of the castle just before they set out, when Oakwit approached him. Only Oakwit knew how afraid he was of ogres and thus only Oakwit knew how much the request he had made had cost him. He was still terrified to go and face the dark creature, but he knew that he could go and overcome it nonetheless. He had learned that lesson of courage that cannot be taught by words.

After a perfunctory greeting, Oakwit announced that his lessons were no longer needed. He could always be found in his home in the forests, he told Edmund, and Edmund need no invitation to come as a friend or as a king in need of counsel. Edmund felt sorrow, but not surprise to see that Oakwit's saddlebags were already at his sides, filled to the brim with his few possessions. With a short embrace (hugs are awkward between humans and centaurs), and a short farewell Oakwit left Cair Paravel.

Tears streamed down Edmund's face as he watched his best friend canter away from the castle. With an ache in his heart for his friend whom he would never be able to repay, he set his face to the west and rode towards the evil he once would have fled from with more resolve than ever.


End file.
